Leadership can sometimes feel isolating and lonely. Even though you’re surrounded by the people you serve, who can you turn to for encouragement and friendship? We asked some of our previous conference speakers for wisdom on how pastors and church leaders can build close connections within ministry.
[Church leaders can find community] by practicing some intentional vulnerability in friendships and relationships. To me, this is different than what you would share in a sermon, or in a message, standing on a stage. It’s with certain people and in certain relationships—making sure they get to see a part of you that not everyone else gets to see. Vulnerability leads to community.
Ministry is one of the loneliest (if I may say) industries that there are. It’s a perplexing enigma wrapped in a riddle. And I think that if you can get two or three real friends over the duration of your ministry, that’s a serious gift. And to that end, the Scriptures say that he or she who would have friends must first show themselves to be friendly. I have practiced, and am practicing, watching God bring interesting people into my life and then embracing them as the persons he wants in my world. I would urge you to look around at the people God has already given you, and then from there, maybe you can pray for more.
Let me say this. I wholeheartedly reject the idea that you can’t be friends with people on your staff. Now I do know that it requires a certain level of care and maneuvering. But my closest friends are the guys and gals I am working every day with—with this same goal of making disciples at The Village Church. Then, I have pastor friends on the outside of The Village who I am creating space for in my calendar. Some of us, we go hunt. Others of us, we like to hike. Others, we like to just sit around the fire and hang out. I think having a group inside that is tight and vulnerable and there’s a lot of trust is super important, but also kind of popping out and having those places with other pastors to share concerns, to learn from one another, and to encourage one another are both really important.
I think one of the most difficult parts of being in church leadership is the sense of isolation, right? You’re in a context where people are able to be vulnerable with you. They look to you as their shepherd, as their spiritual safe place. But you can’t reciprocate that, no matter how deep your struggles may be in private, you can’t reciprocate that because they are your sheep.
What I would encourage is as a church leader, we have to be intentional about facilitating relationships with other church leaders who understand where we are. And I get it. My husband and I pastor a local church together. I know it can feel incredibly risky to share the parts of us that we wouldn’t want anyone else to find out about, but we’re in this together. So, I would encourage you to prayerfully consider: Who are other church leaders that God has placed in your life as “rams in the bush” to walk alongside you and to help you grow in a sense of safety? Pray about it and move forward.
Choosing vulnerability, openness, and intentionality all result in fruitful relationships in leadership. What practices do you have in place to build community in your leadership spaces? For more spiritual encouragement and practical resources, watch sessions from RightNow Conference 2024, Together. Click here to watch.
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