I’ve been single for more than twelve years. Over the past decade-plus of weird first dates, dashed expectations, and learning to trust God, what surprised me the most was not my unchanging relationship status but my changing friendships.

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Childhood companions moved states away. College roommates got married and started having kids. Coworkers built houses, traveled the world, and moved on to other jobs. All of a sudden, my peers and I occupied different life stages, and I wondered if my friendships would ever be the same.

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In many ways, I felt like my friendships were dying as they changed. I lost the time, energy, or focused attention my relationships used to offer. Keeping up with friends became more difficult between packed work schedules, kids’ naptimes and bedtimes, and date nights. Even more, the gap of understanding between me and my friends widened. I struggled to relate to a newlywed’s life or to a family welcoming their third child.

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If you’re single like me, you’ve likely felt similar tension in your relationships. If you’re married or a parent, you’ve also seen friendships shift and may have felt the same distance forming between your once-strong friendships. So how can we navigate our relationships as our life stages diverge?

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Even amid transition, we can intentionally pursue our friends and embrace the new stage of our friendship together by choosing hope, truth, and grace.

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Choose hope.

When we go through any major life change—getting married, having kids, changing churches, etc.—even our closest relationships shift, sometimes slightly, sometimes by a lot. If we’re blindsided by how our relationships adjust, we might be tempted to be angry, take offense easily, or even despair about our friendship.

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How we approach inevitable change comes down to our attitude. We can either choose hope or not.

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When we embrace change as integral to all relationships, we can joyfully accept change as a gift. We can take time to grieve what the relationship used to be, but we can also move forward expectantly, eager to see what God has in store for the new phase of our friendship. And we can enjoy where we and our friends are today—seeing someone we love build a marriage or holding a new baby can be a true joy.

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Just as we know our friendships will change as our lives change, we also know they will change again. If you’re upset with where your relationships are now, first ask if there’s something you can do about it. Pray about the people you’re close to. Then, remind yourself that you always have hope. While our relationships change, we know our unchanging God will always stay the same and is always with us. He is working in the world and our lives, and he can sustain us like no other friend.

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Choose truth.

In any friendship—but especially with those who are in different life stages—we can be tempted to sugar-coat our lives. Maybe we don’t want others to know what’s really going on with our kids. Or maybe we downplay how fun the single life can be out of fear of hurting our friend who is married. Or maybe we’re struggling with our expectations—marriage hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be, parenting is much more difficult than imagined, or the new job isn’t all that great.

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No matter the reason, it is easy to create wedges between ourselves and the people we care about by avoiding the truth. We do a disservice to each other when we only talk about the positives of our lives or when we don’t talk about how we’re really doing. Dishonesty makes people think we’re fine when we’re not, or that the life stage we’re in is better than it actually is.

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Good friends can handle the truth. In fact, they want to know the truth. And they want to know what you need and how they can support you. A godly person will not lord their life stage over you, nor will they judge you for struggling where you are now. We can be good, kind friends by both telling the truth and accepting the truth.

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Choose grace.

Changing life stages creates a gap in understanding. Non-parents struggle to understand the struggles of parenthood. Single people and married couples will continue to misunderstand each other’s schedules and rhythms of life. But we can extend grace to each other even when we do not understand or are not understood.

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But how do we give each other grace? We start with our own expectations. Do we expect our friends to give us the same time and attention as before? Their life is changing, and, because we are friends, we can adjust too.

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We can join our friends in their world and invite them into ours.

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Single people can be included in family nights and married friends can join a girls or guys night out. And when we misunderstand each other, we can offer grace and assume the best.

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Maintaining and strengthening changing relationships comes down to intentionality. When we deliberately choose to pursue our friends with hope, truth, and grace, we can enjoy the good friendships God’s given us as they are.

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What I once feared as a worst-case scenario I now embrace as a part of life because I’ve seen the goodness that comes with having friends at various life stages. Having friends who are married, single, and parents has brought joy to my life, and I hope to yours too.