Leading a lively small group requires a mixture of fun and genuine conversations. When you have both, you can build solid relationships with your group members. But it’s important to remember that shifting from a simple hello to a heartfelt conversation doesn’t happen overnight. Picking the right icebreaker that naturally guides your group toward meaningful dialogue can be tricky.
So how do group leaders move their group from a conversation starter to a deep, impactful discussion? Here are four helpful practices to gently steer your small group from casual icebreaker to thoughtful conversation.
When choosing an icebreaker, make sure the content is group-appropriate. Middle school boys who hardly know one another won’t interact the same way as a group of seasoned adults who’ve been in the same small group for years. But that doesn’t mean middle school boys can’t go deep or that a group of adults will always choose vulnerability. Knowing what matters to your group members and what they are currently facing will help you choose icebreakers that they will gladly engage with.
Here are a few sample icebreaker questions that are fun and easy to answer:
If you could have any superpower for one day, what would it be?
What’s a movie you could watch over and over again?
Who makes you laugh uncontrollably?
While the opening activities get your group engaged and interacting, you can’t expect your group to go from hysterical laughter to contemplative discussion right away. Pair lighter conversation starters with straightforward small group discussions and connect contemplative icebreakers with more thoughtful content. Often, it helps to connect your icebreaker to the subject of your discussion. That doesn’t mean your opening question needs a clear throughline to your discussion, but even a small connection can help you transition into the conversation component of your small group.
Here are a few icebreaker questions that are easy to answer and can easily transition into a deeper discussion.
What song best describes your life right now, and why?
Who is someone you look up to, and why?
Who made a difference in your life growing up? What did they do?
It’s important to use discernment when leading your group discussion. Sometimes, what you plan to discuss doesn’t fit what your group needs. If a member announces she just lost her job or shares a personal sin struggle, it may not be the best time to start with a hilarious icebreaker. The same goes for the questions you ask during your discussion time. If a question hits a pain point, don’t be afraid to linger. But if a question isn’t landing like you thought it would, feel free to move on. Even off-topic conversations can be fruitful. When it’s time to return to your discussion, a simple acknowledgement of the “rabbit trail” followed by a redirect can get you back on track.
Here are some thoughtful questions you can ask when what you planned doesn’t work anymore.
Who points you to God when life gets hard?
When life is uncertain, what questions do you find yourself asking God?
Who does God use to encourage you when you’re hurting?
Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” Rely on the Holy Spirit as you lead your group—and don’t give up. Deep conversations take time. You grow trust through seasons spent together laughing, crying, and living out your faith. It’s wise to evaluate what works and what doesn’t, but also realize that the Holy Spirit works through your discussion regardless of whether you follow the outline or not.
Leading productive small group conversations takes time and a little trial and error. Consider your group dynamics when choosing your icebreaker and group discussion, and how your conversation starter will impact further conversation. Have a plan, but don’t be afraid to change direction based on your group’s needs. In all your planning, rely on the Holy Spirit to give you the discernment you need to lead your group. Hope for good conversations, but remember, even the conversations that don’t go the way you hoped can lead to good relationships over time. In everything, trust the Lord to grow your group. And always have a few opening questions ready to get the conversation going.
If you’re a decision-maker at your organization, request a free consultation to find out how RightNow Media can equip and inspire your people.
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