Some of the most heart-wrenching circumstances that plague women and couples today are infertility and child loss. One in five women is impacted by infertility, and twenty percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Not only that, but there are over 24,000 babies who are stillborn in the United States every year. It can feel impossible to know how to help someone grieve through such trauma.
What do you say when a friend’s heart is broken, and you don’t know how to fix it? What can you do when someone you love is struggling with something you’ve never experienced?
Fortunately, walking with people we love through grief and sadness doesn’t require perfect answers. As believers, we recognize that offering comfort, compassion, and prayer are all actions that can aid in someone’s healing process. In 2 Corinthians 1:3–4, Paul describes how God comforts us in our afflictions and makes it possible for us to offer the comfort we’ve received to other people in need. Since the Spirit has comforted us time and time again, he gives us what we need to support those in our lives who are grieving.
Let’s look at a few ways we can walk alongside those suffering from infertility, miscarriage, child loss, and childlessness.
When someone’s hurting, it’s natural for us to want to jump in and try to fix what’s broken. We want to be helpful and show our friends that we care by doing what we assume is best—but often, some of the most meaningful moments come from simply being present. Sitting with someone and letting them cry, vent, and grieve over the loss of their child can be the best form of support. In many cases, women and couples who are grieving child loss want to feel less alone and know that people are willing to sit in the pain with them.
Here are some practical ways we can practice the power of presence with someone who’s grieving:
Being present with people in times of need reflects God’s promise of presence with us. Jesus told his disciples before his departure in Matthew 28:20, “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (NIV). If we want to reflect the actions of Jesus, then being present is a good way to start.
Our words can either be healing or add more wounds, whether intended or not. When we encounter someone else’s grief, we are often so eager to help that we say the first thing that comes to mind. But when have you experienced well-intended words that landed sharply in your ear? The last thing we want to do as believers is make our grieving friends and family feel dismissed by what we say to them.
When women are grieving a miscarriage or infertility, it’s best to stay away from platitudes like “You can always try again” or “You’re not the first to go through this, so you’re in good company.” These phrases can minimize their experience instead of making them feel seen and validated in their sadness. They imply that people can quickly move on to the “acceptance” stage of their grief, but in reality, we don’t know how long it will take for them to grieve what’s happened.
Here are some practical ways to know what to say (and what not to say):
James 1:19 instructs us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. With our grieving friends, we can wait to offer advice and be more eager to listen and understand—not just respond. If we want to support our friends who are grieving, we can prioritize listening over speaking.
We can also direct our grieving friends and family to trustworthy resources. Whether it be to organizations, literature about miscarriage, or therapy, turning to professionals can help the healing process.
One such resource is the Legacy Place, an organization that serves couples who are navigating infertility, miscarriage, child loss, and childlessness not by choice. By providing opportunities for couples to find connection, hope, and healing, the Legacy Place helps couples know they aren’t alone in their grieving and that healing in community can be transformative for their overall health.
Legacy Place has a five-session series available on RightNow Media for struggling couples called Legacy Forward: Marriages Facing Infertility and Pregnancy Loss.
Each session of this series will help couples:
Whether you or someone you know is struggling with grief, seeking encouragement, or longing for a renewed sense of purpose, this series will equip couples to step forward in hope—together.
Experiencing child loss, or walking with someone through child loss, will never be simple. But the Spirit of God is here to help us use our words wisely and will do the hard work (that we cannot do) to heal our loved ones in his timing. We need to show up, stay consistent, and offer a comforting place for their thoughts to land.
If you’ve experienced miscarriage or are struggling with infertility, remember that your story matters to God, and he is willing to bear the weight of your grief.
If you’re a decision-maker at your organization, request a free consultation to find out how RightNow Media can equip and inspire your people.
Not a decision-maker?
Tell your pastor about RightNow Media instead.
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