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It’s where large sanctuaries and gathering spaces shrink to the size of living rooms, dining rooms, and back porches; where doctrines and theological abstractions become concrete; and where the “one anothers” that mark the life of the church—“love one another” (John 13:34), “welcome one another” (Rom. 15:7), “live in harmony with one another” (Rom. 12:16), etc.—aren’t just recited but practiced.
But front line ministry isn’t easy. Small groups are among the most demanding ministries in our churches and can be challenging, draining, and rote—especially for group leaders. What can leaders do when their group runs into a dry patch?
Compared to the rest of the year, summer is a time when most people retreat from work or school, go on vacation, and relax. But the weeks and months leading up to summertime? Busy. Overscheduled. Frantic. And like it or not, regular small group meetings can add to the overwhelm we and our group members might feel.
One strategy group leaders can adopt to avoid the stress is to implement a “spring break.” Scheduling a planned break or two during busy parts of the year can help group members catch their breath and rest. And sometimes, rest is the most spiritual thing we can do.
Some of our fondest, most vivid memories have occurred around a table. The table is a place of belonging, and what happens there—the stories, the laughter, the prayers, the food—is often as formative as anything we do in our small groups.
If you find that your group has lost some of its “oomph,” consider breaking from your normal routine to break bread together. Engage in table fellowship. Prepare a meal together. Sit around a table together. Give thanks. Bless one another. Remember the Lord’s faithfulness together. Through the food and the fellowship, “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Ps. 34:8).
In small groups, it’s natural to become an insular community. The time we spend praying, studying, weeping, celebrating, and singing with one another binds us together and forms us into our own little enclave. And that’s good! But if we aren’t careful, we can lose touch with what’s going on outside the walls of our meetings.
One thing you can do to keep your group energized and engaged is to serve your neighborhood or community together, either through your church or a local ministry. Service can be a great opportunity to be the hands and feet of Jesus for your neighbors outside the group.
When a group’s Bible study becomes dull or flat, it can be frustrating and distressing. But it happens even in the best, most vibrant groups—especially if you’ve been together for a while. So, what do you do when your group’s study feels rote?
Reading books together is a great way to introduce change while still exercising your group’s “study muscles.” Discuss with your group what book would be best. It could be non-fiction or fiction (I’m a big believer in the formative power of fiction), whichever best suits your group.
Have you ever tried your hand at spiritual disciplines like silence and solitude, fasting, meditating on Scripture, or observing the sabbath? These “disciplines” (and others) have a way of heightening our awareness of God’s presence with us and his grace toward us. Practicing them in community can give our faith the jolt it needs.
What could it look like for your group to engage in a spiritual discipline together? To what extent might fasting or memorizing Scripture together provide a needed change? Consider pitching the idea to your group the next time you gather.
For many of us, small-group ministry is the lifeblood of the church. It’s where we go to experience fellowship and accountability, be ministered to, confess our sins, bless and be blessed, and receive prayer. Yet as rich as our experience with small groups can be, it can also become overly routine and even stale—at the fault of no one. Ministry is just plain hard sometimes. But there are steps we can take to keep our group environments fresh and provide a vibrant, formative space for the Spirit to work on us and our group members as we gather each week.
If you’re a decision-maker at your organization, request a free consultation to find out how RightNow Media can equip and inspire your people.
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It’s a trite but true saying, one we would follow closely with God’s warning in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” As church leaders, we know all about the need for Christian community. We preach it, write about it, can cite all the verses imploring and commanding Christians to engage in it . . . but few of us can escape the magnetic pull of isolation. No one is an island, but the calling to ministry often seems like a call to living alone.
Even when surrounded by staff, volunteers, and faithful church members, leaders can feel isolated. Our people don’t understand the weight of spiritual leadership. Our work is often minimized to “just getting coffee with people all day.” In addition, we have unique internal struggles that we don’t know how to deal with. We encourage people through their doubts, but don’t know where to turn with our own. We prepare sermons or lessons on confession and repentance while fearing that if we practiced what we preach, we would lose our jobs. And so, we hide, couch the truth behind Christian platitudes, and pretend to have it all together when the seams of our lives are tearing.
For a church leader, isolation can feel like the only way to make it when simply trying to stay afloat has led us to feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and unable to be ourselves. It may not be good, but it seems easier to be alone.
Let me tell you something you already know: the reason you are remaining in isolation—no matter your circumstance—is a demonic lie. Isolation will encourage your secret sins to grow, fertilize the roots of your pride, and hasten inevitable emotional and/or physical burnout. It may feel safe, but isolation will destroy you and your ministry.
Yes, you are in a unique position both professionally and spiritually, but the normal rules of Christian life apply to you in the exact same ways that they do to the people in the pews. More than that, God’s grace and love are equally available to you as they are to the greatest sinner in your Sunday service.
1. You need confession and repentance. Read James 5:13–16. What fears or concerns do you have with confessing and repenting of your sin within your church? What could you gain from turning away from your hidden sin?
2. You do not need to hide your flaws. Read 2 Corinthians 11:28–30 and 12:6–10. What strengths are you tempted to hide behind? What would it look like for you to “boast in your weakness”?
3. You need friends both in and outside of your church. Read Hebrews 3:12–13. In what ways does isolation encourage your sin? Who in and outside of your church could you meet with for regular encouragement and accountability?
You do not have to lead alone. There are countless opportunities for you to connect with other church leaders just like you.
1. Join thousands of pastors, church staff, and group leaders for RightNow Conference.
2. Connect with other pastors who use RightNow Media through the Church Leaders Facebook group. Discover weekly bonus content, best practices, and conversations with others in ministry.
3. Explore the Pastors library—it has great content for pastors and church leaders. Go through a study with other leaders or your staff to grow in Christ together.
The barriers keeping you from being fully known may feel insurmountable, but God is calling you into something far greater than your isolation could ever offer. Ministry can be a burden, but it is never meant to be carried alone. In Christ, you can look at your community and echo the words of David in Psalm 133:1, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”
I’d spent my whole life in stage-of-life groups with people like me—guys with similar interests and struggles. Those groups made connecting with other Christians easy, but this new group was a challenge. I felt I had little in common with the retired empty-nesters and college students in my living room. I struggled to ignore the chaos of the toddlers playing on the floor. And I had no clue how to counsel married couples.
The people in my small group watched movies I’d never heard of, inhabited various corners of social media, held opposing political views, and even had different ideas on how to live the Christian life. How was I going to lead this group, much less help them build friendships with each other across their diversity?
I was facing the big challenge of multigenerational groups: connection. Because we gravitate to people like us, diversity can feel uncomfortable. But if we stick with the tension of getting outside of our bubble, we can find the richness of the body of Christ in all of our unique gifts, experiences, and wisdom.
Every group is different, and leaders can try many strategies to help their group form good, lasting relationships. But, as the leader, you need a strategy to help people overcome feeling disconnected from other group members.
Leading a healthy small group is like gardening: we can prepare the soil and water the seeds but only God can make the seeds sprout and grow. You can’t force friendships, but you can create a place for them to grow.
Think about the times you have felt most welcome in someone else’s home—what did they do that made you feel comfortable and appreciated? You don’t have to throw a dinner party; sometimes people just need to be asked about their day. Find the person standing on their own and strike up a conversation with him or her. Or if there is a young mother in your group, think about setting aside a space for her infant to sleep or nurse. A little consideration can make everyone who visits your group to feel valued.
The people in your group have a wealth of experiences and wisdom—far beyond what you as a leader have on your own. Instead of worrying about what you need to teach, think about the questions you can ask the people in your group. What do you want to know about them? What insights do they have that would bless the rest of your group? What have they learned about God and his faithfulness
If you have a hard time thinking of good questions, that’s okay! Most RightNow Media Original series come with free study guides full of great questions so that you can worry less about preparing lessons and focus more on the people in your group.
Everyone is busy, and it can feel like a struggle to make it to small group every week. But if you want your members to share their lives with each other, you will need to spend time together outside of your small group meeting. Don’t make it too complicated—you could get coffee with one person in your group each week or coordinate group lunch after church on Sunday. The more casual interactions you have with people in your group, the faster you will build meaningful relationships with them.
Every church has different goals for their small groups, but we all share the same mission: to make disciples and build God’s kingdom on earth. And nothing brings a group together like working as a team. Talk to your group about the causes and groups of people God has called them to serve. What need can your group meet? If your group has little kids, consider partnering with a local non-profit that can be flexible in the way you serve and are open to family friendly projects. Or find a place to serve as a group in your local church—if you get stuck, ask your pastor or other group leaders for ideas.
No one wants the relationships in their group to remain shallow. Getting together week after week to talk about news, sports, or the weather is, quite frankly, boring. We want our groups to be hubs of deep community marked by friendships, support, guidance, prayer, and evangelism. But meaningful friendships don’t happen overnight. It can take months (or longer) for a group to feel like a community. Don’t get discouraged when relationships don’t progress as quickly as you would like. In time, God will weave people together in ways you had not imagined. Don’t give up.
The first few months of your small group will be the most challenging as people push through awkwardness and build friendships with one another. In my group, some of the most unexpected people—people who did not immediately click with one another—ended up best friends and were in each other’s weddings. They’ve built families alongside one another, leaning on each other’s wisdom and support.
No matter how we organize our church calendar, it often ends up being a mishmash of the ancient liturgical cycle (Advent through Easter) and the school year schedule (back-to-school in the fall through summer break). So for many churches, the return of small groups in the fall can make a lot of sense.
Whether your small groups are interested in studying a book of the Bible, a frequently discussed topic, or a broad theological theme, the RightNow Media library houses a variety of series to meet you where you are and challenge you to move forward in your faith. Here are some studies to consider as we enter the fall.
Essentials of Faith is a transformative twelve-study journey designed to deepen Christians’ understanding of the gospel and address fundamental questions of our faith. Our hope is that, after going through the Essentials of Faith series, Christians will be more mature, equipped to disciple others, and emboldened to reflect Christ in their lives.
What is a Christian? with Francis Chan
Ask any group what it means to be a Christian, and we will hear different answers. In this six-session series, Francis Chan will explore key concepts common to all Christians through the centuries. No matter what divides us, we are united by these truths about the God we worship and our relationship with him.
Why Does Jesus Matter? with J.D. Greear
What makes Jesus such an important person? In this six-session series, pastor and author J.D. Greear will answer, “Why does Jesus matter?” He’ll explore who Jesus is, why he came, and what he said and did to help us understand the life-changing effect Jesus had—and continues to have—on the world.
Every marriage has its strengths and its stresses. In this six-session series created in partnership with FamilyLife, discover a transformative marriage resource to help you explore new levels of intimacy, communication, and connection with your spouse.
The Life of Joseph with Bryan Carter
Everything Joseph endured was for a purpose. His success came from the Lord, and even the most devastating events in his past were used to accomplish God’s aims. In this six-session series, Pastor Bryan Carter will trace the themes of purpose and faithfulness through the life of Joseph, teaching us how to identify and live in our God-given purpose.
The Book of Ecclesiastes with Jonathan Pokluda
Life is a gift, but it rarely turns out how we expect. Where do we turn when things are going great, but we still feel empty? In this ten-session series, pastor and author Jonathan “JP” Pokluda takes us through the book of Ecclesiastes and shows us that we are not alone in our search for meaning.
The Book of 1 Samuel with Sharon Hodde Miller
The stories of biblical heroes prompt us to examine the difference between our outward appearance and what God sees in our hearts. In this ten-session series, pastor and author Sharon Hodde Miller guides us through the book of 1 Samuel, exploring the frailty of the human heart and the faithfulness of God.
If you’d like help building a collection of studies to guide your group or ministry, check out these Bible Study Roadmaps. Each roadmap features series that are already part of your church’s subscription, and you can feel free to customize it by swapping out studies according to the needs of your group. We have roadmaps specifically designed for adults, men’s or women’s groups, youth groups, and kids.
As the senior producer, Courtney Davis spent weeks scouting locations, double-checking equipment, planning car rentals and logistics, and scheduling her team to make sure everything went smoothly. “We brought extra people to make sure we could get everything shot. We had people at multiple locations ready to go so Bob could get the shot and move on. We normally have more time—a couple of days at least—so we were ready for the shoot to be stressful.”
When our video team spoke about their time with Bob, they didn’t talk about the logistics of a one-day shoot, the California traffic, or catching connecting flights. Instead, they told stories about Bob’s cars (every car in Love In Chaos is one of Bob’s) and how four sailors, all of whom were also named Bob, taught Bob Goff to raise the sails on a pirate ship. Then, how the ship’s owner had to stop Goff from climbing the ship’s mast.
A difficult day became fun. But Bob was more than an energetic person; he wanted to get to know the people he was working with.
“Bob was so kind, so engaged—the Bob you meet in his books is who he really is,” Courtney said.
“He wanted to take pictures with us! We’re usually the ones asking to take pictures at the end of a shoot.”
We are so used to being wary of strangers or assuming the worst of people online that encountering someone like Bob—someone who genuinely cares for the people around him—is refreshing, life-giving, and makes us wonder, “What’s different about you?” There is something irresistible about a person who loves Jesus in today’s world.
What if we, like Bob, made a point to let everyone around us know that we care about them, even those we disagree with? What if we swapped the division of our culture for the love of Jesus? That’s what Love In Chaos is all about.
What our production team captured in San Diego became a series that will exhort and encourage Christians to get out of their comfort zones for the sake of the gospel. “We’re so used to getting on social media and just seeing a lot of arguing,” Courtney said.
“But Bob encourages us in this series to actively care for the people around us. Jesus calls us to love people who are hurting, and I hope this series helps us do that more.”
When asked about how long the shoot day was, Courtney laughed. “We actually wrapped an hour early, which never happens.”
At RightNow Media, our goal is to provide churches and their members with access to a library curated with the latest teaching for men’s Bible studies from popular teachers, including series like Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman and 33 The Series from Authentic Manhood. Below are five video Bible studies that are perfect for your men’s group—and if you're looking for more ways to deepen your faith as a man of God, check out our men's Bible study roadmap and follow along throughout the year.
God has created men to have an incredible strength. But today’s culture has hijacked masculinity, distorting strength into passivity and abuse. In this five-part video Bible study, Joby Martin, pastor of The Church of Eleven22, invites men to embrace God’s definition of masculinity and step into his calling upon their lives.
Unpack what biblical manhood looks like and what it means to be a godly, courageous man in today’s world in this men’s video Bible series. Featuring teaching from Matt Chandler, Voddie Baucham, Tony Dungy and more, viewers will dig deeper into what it means to step up and live a courageous life.
Most of us have been on the receiving end of rejection, a broken dream, or heartbreak. And while this is not an easy space to go through, when we are grounded in the truth, we can endure the tough times. In this powerful series, Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow passionately shares glimpses of his journey and what he’s learned along the way, building confidence in his identity in God, not the world.
Daily it’s getting more challenging to be a man. Our present culture is redefining manhood and confusing men in their pursuit of biblical manhood. Discover how to respond to today’s culture by rejecting passivity and investing in the eternal purpose found in Jesus. Let others see masculinity and manhood through the lens of Christ in your life with these seven characteristics and become a better man, husband, father, and leader.
In the church today, many men find themselves confused about what it actually means to be a man. Our culture does little to help. The result is a generation of men who struggle to embrace their responsibilities, roles, and the purpose for which God created them. In this series, Mark Batterson highlights seven virtues of manhood to offer clear insight into what it means to be a faithful man of God.
As teenagers and young adults, my peers and I were often encouraged to think ahead regarding what sort of qualities we wanted in a future spouse.
Loves Jesus Check.
Handsome/Pretty Wowza.
Funny LOL.
Smart Brilliant.
Rich Has potential.
Similar interests Amazingly, he/she loves all my favorite activities!
The List had levels, of course. Spiritual qualities ranked above physical attributes (or did they?), followed by all things we would have in common, along with more “mature” characteristics that would enable us to succeed in life. Our lists hid inside journals or got lost in computer files. Some of us tried to forget them entirely.
Eventually, my friends and I graduated from mere daydreaming and began experiencing the adult dating life, for better or worse. The older we got, the more we evaluated acquaintances and dates as potential spouses. And for those of us who married, we finally got to see how our idealism matched up with reality.
When I realized my dating relationship had some serious potential, I thought back to The List I’d made. He was good looking, loved Jesus (see that order?), smart, had so much in common with me . . . He checked a lot of the boxes. But so had a couple of other guys I’d previously dated. Surely there was something I’d missed.
I turned to a friend with over a decade of marriage experience. “What do I look for? How do I know?”
Among many important characteristics, she told me, don’t neglect one basic quality:
“Is he kind?”
She elaborated: “How does he treat his mother? What little things do you notice about how he acts around other people, including you? Do you see arrogance or gentleness, selfishness or a servant’s heart? When you mess up, how does he react?” Not a concept I’d considered for The List, but she had a point.
Sometimes people misunderstand kindness, thinking of it as somehow weak. But God himself is described as kind, shown in his sending of Jesus. The apostle Paul warned those who would reject Christ: “Do you despise the riches of his kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:4). God wants us to trust his Son. In Jesus, he shows how eager he is for us to turn toward him, the one who offers new life.
Jesus was often motivated by compassion for the hurting and confused. His hands healed blind eyes and deaf ears, his eyes overflowed in empathetic grief, his teaching brought life to dead hearts. And through the thorns and scourging and nails borne on Calvary, “the kindness of God our Savior and his love for mankind appeared—he saved us . . .” (Titus 3:4–5). The cross was kindness in action.
When we give ourselves to Christ, he gives himself to us through the Spirit. We begin to reflect God’s values in our relationships with others. Paul tells us that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).
There it is—kindness. Not weak or submissive, but strong and active. Kind people serve others, sometimes at great cost to themselves. Kind spouses put each other first, seeking ways to empower, uplift, energize, and equip the one they committed their lives to.
Kindness is love in action. Healthy relationships simmer like soup on low heat: tiny bubbles of kind acts, some behind the scenes, enrich the flavor and warmth of the relationship. The little things count. No grandiose acts required. Rather, kindness can look like the smallest gesture:
A steaming cup of coffee waiting on the kitchen counter.
A text checking in to see how your appointment went.
Asking a follow-up question after you’ve shared a difficult moment from your day.
An apology for forgetting to do whatever you asked them to help with.
Praising your latest accomplishment to their colleagues.
What does kindness from your spouse look like to you? Don’t be surprised if you have to stop for a few moments to think—not because your spouse isn’t kind, but because often we don’t recognize and acknowledge our spouse’s little acts of love. Once you start noticing, find ways to communicate your appreciation and gratitude.
What kindness have you offered your spouse today? In the days to come, make them feel seen and cared for with small and big gestures. Be intentional in putting him or her first in ways you haven’t considered in the past.
Notice the examples of small kindnesses listed above can apply to any relationship, not just a marriage. All friendships thrive on kindness. How can you show it to your friends, roommates, colleagues, and neighbors?
If you’ve written The List in your mind, on paper, or via your online dating profile, double-check your priorities. My friend’s advice clinched it for me, and I’ve been reaping the benefits for over twenty-five years.
At RightNow Media, our goal is to provide churches and student ministries with access to a library curated with the latest teaching for youth Bible studies from premier teachers. Including series like Not A Fan: Teen Edition by Kyle Idleman and a number of RightNow Media Originals, we have thousands of options for your Bible study. Here are five video Bible studies that are perfect for your youth group or student ministry—plus check out our youth Bible study roadmap to make curriculum planning a breeze.
Christians today face all kinds of challenges when it comes to understanding who they are and what they’re meant to do. There’s no shortage of options that claim to offer “truth.” If we aren’t careful, we can find ourselves chasing after popular opinion all the while neglecting the unchanging truth found in Scripture. In this four-session youth Bible study, pastor and author Francis Chan invites students into the power that comes from anchoring their identity in Christ.
Today’s world tells teens to walk around life with a mirror in front of their face. They question their looks, persona, and acceptance nonstop, thinking that one more post on social media might gain people’s attention. But God offers an alternative mirror. When God rules over our lives, he flips everything upside down. In this youth Bible study, Jonathan Evans will walk students through the parables in Luke to teach what it looks like for God to rule our lives.
Teenagers often feel trapped. They’re stuck in the same habits, depression sets in, and they wonder about their purpose. The lie that nothing will ever change pulls teenagers deeper into the rut. But Jesus offers us a way out. In this four-part youth Bible study, Nick Hall talks to students about how a relationship with Jesus changes everything—our identity, relationships, habits, and mission.
Have you ever felt stuck? Sometimes life feels rigid—as if nothing could ever really change. Maybe we’re afraid of taking a step of faith. Or maybe we’re too injured from the past to move forward. No matter where you find yourself, you can make the most of today. In this inspirational series, Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow shares stories from his life to illustrate what it means to seize each day for God’s glory.
What do you want to be when you grow up? It was an easy question to answer when they were little, but life gets complicated for teen girls. When they get stuck in drama, discontentment, sadness, and shame, how can they even begin to look ahead to the future? In this four-part Bible study, Jennie Allen, founder of IF:Gathering, inspires teen girls to throw off everything that holds them back and be energized by God’s dream for them. Dreaming big starts now.
At RightNow Media, our goal is to provide churches and their members with access to a library curated with the latest teaching for women’s Bible studies from trusted teachers. Through licensed content and our partnership with IF:Gathering, we have thousands of Bible studies for women. Here are five video Bible studies that are perfect for your women’s Bible study—and don't forget to check out the women's Bible study roadmap to follow along with throughout the year.
God never called us to be nice. We live in a culture that prizes niceness as one of its highest virtues. Niceness keeps the peace, wins friends, gains influence and serves our reputations well. But it can also take the teeth out of the power of our faith. In this five-session series, Sharon Hodde Miller explores the seemingly innocent idol that has crept into our faith and quietly corrupted it and the fruits we bear. Cultivate a better “tree” and reclaim your credibility as a follower of Christ.
Miracles of Jesus explores all four Gospels with teaching from Jennie Allen, Bianca Olthoff, Jada Edwards, and Sadie Robertson. Discover the ways Jesus healed, provided for, calmed, and resurrected the people he encountered. This seven-session study is about believing in the power of God who can accomplish anything. There’s nothing too big or too small for us to bring to him.
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We often believe that when we follow Jesus, life should get easier. And when it doesn’t, we dell ourselves we’re failing or stuck or abandoned by God. But this simply isn’t true. In this six-part series, Nicole Unice explores why life’s a struggle and what to do about it. With God as the hero of the story, a hard day has a new meaning. Our lives can be defined by redemption instead of struggle.
How natural is generosity to who you are? The Bible has a lot to say about hospitality, generosity, and stewardship. We have a cloud of witnesses globally, nationally, and locally who provide incredible testimonies of generosity. Tethered to biblical accounts of giving, this six-session series with author and speaker Ann Voskamp explores examples of offering hospitality, time, money, spiritual gifts, and empathy to the glory of God.
Let’s be honest: the life you lead isn’t what you’ve always dreamt. You can scrub the surface of your life until it gleams and still never address the fact that somehow you lost sight of who you really are and what you’re living for. In this six-session Bible study, author and speaker Jo Saxton examines biblical figures and shares her personal story as she invites you to turn to the one who knows you intimately and loves you deeply.
So, you’re about to lead a small group, maybe for the first time, and you’re sure your pastor made a mistake in asking you to lead this group. You may be feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, and a little anxious at the thought of someone asking a question you don’t know the answer to. How can you, a normal person, lead a small group?
For some reason, we often think Bible study leaders have to be the smartest person in the room, armed with quick, charming, and compelling answers for every question. Good leaders host their small group in a pristine home or know the coolest place in town to chat over coffee. They’re stylish, funny, brilliant, put-together, and BFFs with Jesus. Now, we know small group leaders aren’t all of those things but—for whatever reason—we are sure we have to be that kind of leader.
The truth is you don’t have to be perfect in order to be effective. You don’t even need to be perfect in order to be a great small group leader. The best small group leaders are actually far from perfect, but they do share some traits in common that you can easily add to your own life.
Take a second to answer this question: What makes small group leaders different than the people they are leading?
Many of us think leaders are gurus—perfect, all-knowing, wise ones who know the Bible inside and out and can answer any question. But gurus make really bad small group leaders. They tend to make group meetings all about themselves, their knowledge, and their insights. It’s pretty hard to focus on Jesus when the leader is making the group about themselves.
The most effective small group leaders are guides. They have a map, know what trail they are on, and know where they are headed. Their leadership is not about getting everyone to focus on them but on avoiding dangers and making progress towards their destination.
Your small group time is not about you; it’s about Jesus. Your responsibility is to keep people focused on him, becoming more like him, and making him known.
But what if you don’t have the answer to a tough question? A guru would be threatened because it would challenge their status as the all-knowing leader. But a guide? Guides aren’t threatened because they have the “maps” of God’s Word, the support of church staff, and an abundance of great resources for answering tough questions at their fingertips. Guides actually become more helpful when tough questions come up.
If you don’t know an answer, be honest: “I don’t know, but I will try to find an answer for our meeting next week.” Which brings us to the second quality of effective leaders.
It’s like legendary basketball coach John Wooden said,
“Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.”
Being prepared doesn’t mean you have to outline your meeting minute by minute, but you should know what you are going to cover in your group that week. Take time to look over the Bible verses, study questions, and any resources you will be using. Preparation will look different for everyone, so find a method that works best for you.
The most effective small groups aren’t thrown together last second; they are the result of a prepared leader prayerfully thinking through the time they are about to spend in God’s Word. After all, if you are a guide, you need to know your map!
But being prepared does not mean you have to teach your group because…
You don’t have to be a seminary professor or pastor to be a great group leader. You simply need to facilitate conversation. Think of your group as a community rather than a classroom. Your goal in the group is to help the church grow in spirit and in truth, not ace a Bible quiz.
Ask an opening question and wait for people to start talking (it’s okay to endure a little awkwardness). If your group starts running down a rabbit trail, gently point them back to the topic at hand. Ask open-ended questions. Try to get everyone involved in the conversation. At the end of your time, talk about ways to apply what you are learning.
More often than not, you will learn from the people in your group. They will see things you missed. They will have ideas you wished you’d thought of. But for a great small group leader, being a part of a community headed towards Jesus isn’t about being in front—it’s about leading people to Jesus.
Starting out as a small group leader can be daunting. But most of our anxiety comes from thinking we have to be spiritual gurus. Once we realize that we are guides, the anxiety to be perfect starts to slip away. When we prepare well, we will build our confidence. Shifting our role from “teacher” to “member of the community” will take away our self-imposed performance pressure.
Great group leaders are normal people, just like you. No matter your background or leadership experience, if you guide people to Jesus you’ll be doing exactly what you’re supposed to do.
Friendship is one of the most important and formative features of the human experience, and one of its sweetest pleasures. Because of its significance, literature is filled with moving examples of friendship, from Sam and Frodo in The Lord of the Rings to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the Harry Potter series. These stories, and others like them, invite us to make friendship a priority.
The Bible also speaks of friendship’s important, formative effect on our lives. From the example of David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18:1–5) to the language Paul uses in his epistles to Timothy (1 and 2 Timothy), the witness of Scripture testifies that friendship is a blessed good. Solomon himself reveres friendship, using words like “sweetness” (Proverbs 27:9) to describe its joys and “love” (Proverbs 17:17) to convey its depth and devotion.
Friendship is not just a blessed good but a generous gift from God.
Since we’ve been created in the image of the triune God (Genesis 1:27), we are made for community—for friendship. In some ways, it comes natural to us. We gravitate to others, finding common bonds, common interests, and common loves. And yet, because we and the world have been fractured by sin, friendship is hard. We sin against our friends, they sin against us, and relationships suffer and sometimes break.
In Genesis 2 and 3, the Bible implies that life for Adam and Eve was to be marked by fellowship (or friendship) with God. It was apparently normal for them to speak with God and to walk with him. But then, Genesis 3:6–7 happened—the fall—and their fellowship was disrupted. With one fateful bite of fruit, Adam and Eve effectively “unfriended” God. And to this day, we live in the shadow of the fall. Like Adam and Eve, our friendship with God has been disrupted.
How would you respond to being so grievously betrayed? Would you overlook the offense? Would you abandon your friend entirely? How do you think God should react?
The New Testament tells us how God responded to our betrayal: “When the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son” (Galatians 4:4,), the “friend of sinners” (Luke 7:34, emphasis added), and made him “who knew no sin to be sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21) so we might have a right relationship with him once again. Do you hear that? In response to our sin and our ruptured relationship, the Son comes and befriends those who betrayed him.
What’s most shocking about Jesus’s friendship is that he calls us friends. Though we have betrayed him, he “chose” us (John 15:16). By his grace, he has come near to us and, knowing our disloyalty and all our fears, sins, struggles, and anxieties, he has said to us, “my friend.”
Knowing ourselves, we may wonder, “Is Jesus truly—I mean, really—my friend? Will he stick by me, even if I betray him again?”
We can know Jesus is our friend with certainty because of what he says to us in the Gospel of John: “No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13, CSB). Jesus is the greatest friend because he laid down his life for us (John 19).
We know from Proverbs that “a friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17). Since Jesus is our friend, we can be certain that he loves us entirely, perfectly, forever—at all times. And we know that, despite what we have done or have yet to do, he “is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
So, we ask: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ” (Romans 8:35), this friend of sinners, this great friend of mine? No one. Oh, what a friend we have in Jesus.
Knowing that Jesus is a devoted friend should encourage us. It should also inform the way we view and exercise friendship ourselves. Each of us needs good friends in our lives; but if we’re not careful, we might begin to think like the lawyer in Luke 10:25–37 who tested Jesus: “And who is my [friend],” we might ask (emphasis added).
While that question is not an inappropriate one, what if Jesus first wants us who have experienced his friendship to be the same kind of friend to others? What if, upending our sensibilities as he did with the parable of the good Samaritan, he is calling us to go to our neighbors who are isolated and lonely, and befriend them? Who among us will prove to be a friend to the friendless?
Jesus has come and called us friends. Today, he tells us: “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10:37).
